I am a Type A traveler. Surprise, surprise!
When my resignation and plans to travel became public knowledge at Adecco, I had a number of really interesting conversations with people. Some who had their own plans bubbling away, some who were truly incredulous, some who nodded and smiled but clearly thought I was mad to walk away from a great job that I was great at, some who I think might have resented that I was able to make that decision at all. Far and away, the most common response was of happiness for me, tinged with a little envy. I heard the word ‘inspirational’ a lot. Which I, as a member of society determined not to be seen as arrogant must dismiss as complete nonsense. But secretly am very chuffed about. As far as I’m concerned, if my decision to take a leap of faith and spend some time to figure out the next step for me in life means something to someone else, that’s a wonderful, unintended consequence of an ultimately self-centered (with no apologies for that) decision!
After I published my first blog about my decision to leave, it became clear to me that people were not just going to be interested in the places I see and the food I eat and the wine I drink and the mountains I hike over the coming months, but also how I’m going in my search for what’s next. How the trip is impacting on me? Is it giving me what I need, what I hoped for? That’s the problem with putting yourself out there once, people seem to want you to do it again!
I’ve probably resisted writing anything along those lines, because I was waiting for something to say. And because I’m still not sure why it would be interesting to anyone else. But after a couple of days of slowing down here in beautiful Abruzzo and doing everything else but actually sitting down to write (booking the next portion of the trip, budget check, hike, watch Netflix, read, sort out photos…) I have finally decided to try and get some thoughts down. Because I promised I would, but not because I think I’ve really got much to say yet. But also, because I know the very act of writing, of putting thoughts into words on a page, helps me enormously to pull threads of decisions or conclusions or vague impressions into something that eventually makes sense. The difference being, I will hit publish on the blog page on this writing! So thanks for indulging me – you might see the eventual bigger picture before me!
Honestly, all I really know, is that I don’t know yet. I don’t have any answers. But I’m trying to notice what is floating through my head as I drive and walk and roam. I have come back several times to a conversation I had with a lovely woman at work not long before I left. She said to me, in a very genuine and caring but ultimately way too insightful for comfort way, “Kim, I will be really interested to see how you go from this job to not really having a purpose. How will you handle that?”. I can’t remember what I said to Lia at the time, but her comment hit a few nerves, about how I was perceived, how I conducted myself, how much of that was tied up in the job and how much was me, what is my purpose and what do I want it to be (a very popular word and concept and whole other topic).
Whilst I don’t know much yet, I know this. Type A personalities, with tendencies towards competitiveness, urgency and impatience don’t just suddenly become chilled out, relaxed, go with the flow humans because they are suddenly on the other side of the world with no real schedule other than the one they create for themselves. You create one for yourself. You turn travel and whatever else you need to into a job and make sure you are doing it perfectly.
So, I’ve been juggling studying, travel research and planning, blogging, social media posting, exercise, eating enough vegetables, eating the local foods, learning about wine etc etc and somehow turning that into busyness. And in true Type A style, I am self-critical when I haven’t done all of that perfectly. Which is obviously ridiculous. On a number of levels.
But I also know this, I don’t hate all of that and I don’t want to stop it completely! I am not someone who enjoys just showing up in a new town and seeing what’s available, at least not when it comes to a bed. I want to know where I’m sleeping that night. I want to know where I’m headed next. I don’t want to eat another crappy pizza or bag of chips because I haven’t done a little research about where to eat and I got too hungry so just ate at the nearest open place. I definitely don’t want to drink horrible wine (again).
I still feel like I need to apologise or excuse the fact that is the way I prefer to travel! Because it’s a bit demonised. You’re only a “real traveler” if you float with the wind and see where the road takes you, with no fixed plans or itinerary. Having every minute planned isn’t a journey, it’s a military operation. I fall somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. I want to allow enough room to be surprised and to be able to change things along the way and to move on if somewhere hasn’t grabbed me. But I am not, and will never be, a “go where the wind takes me” traveler. Because I am not that person in the rest of my life. The great thing about travel is that it lets me get a bit closer to that. I move more towards the middle.
While I’m still determined not to spend too much time yet fretting about ‘what’s next”, I will try and keep writing because I know it’s an important part of the process for me. In the meantime I have given myself next study period off. I’m taking one thing off the table. And for the next month I am moving slowly, spending longer in places, creating conditions for me to ponder and back a little bit back from the busyness. So Lia, that’s how I’m going with it for now. I’m not exactly operating at the velocity I was at Adecco, but nor have I stopped being me!
